Perhaps ?

I don't know about you, but I've always failed to see flaws in my own personality. In terms of the way I treat others that is. So sometimes, when I feel ill-treated, I'd always feel that I'm victimized. Like how could this person treat me this way when I had been kind.

But today, just out of the sudden, I feel perhaps sometimes I do deserve such treatment. Now that I look back, I realize that I have been stingy and calculative. You just can't calculate every contribution and weigh how much you'd get back. That's just ... not right.

Today I feel lousy. I feel that I've failed in making a good impression of myself. I've failed in making people feel comfortable around me, comfortable to seek help, comfortable to confide in.

I want people to not feel paiseh to ask something from me.
Like a lift on my car or to borrow my dvds.

I want to also not mind doing these little favors.
To not mind if I have to fetch someone who is not on the way. To not mind if that friend takes a little longer to return my things.

It's not so easy to be a nice person after all.