It's over !

My finals are finally over !!!!
I am now almost a graduate. Why almost ? Because I still have a thesis presentation on the 5th of January 2009 (can you believe it's gonna be 2009 already ?) and well, I still don't know my results yet don't I ? Who knows I might fail one of the subjects ? Then it'd be no graduation for me.

The minute I handed in my paper, I really had this moment of a sense of relieve. Well, it did not last long. I went to bed just now all sleepy only to find myself rolling around on the bed for like an hour. And now, I feel mentally tired yet at the same time wide awake.

I am beginning to worry about my future. Mum has been pestering me for like a month to start applying for jobs but I ignored her as I was busy preparing for my assignments and thesis. Now that everything is finally over, well, I dunno, I just feel like I am not very employable.

I feel like I had never really worked hard during the course of my undergraduate studies and I feel so undeserving of being offered a job. I'm worried about interviews, where there might be possibilities that technical questions might be posed, and I'd certainly fail miserably.

It's just that Mum has such high hopes, and I fear that I might have to disappoint her. And I blame myself also, for being so lazy despite knowing her expectations.

It's like she hears from her sister about how well her daughter had performed, and it saddens me that I can't be that daughter for her.

I just feel really really stressed up.