Reflections

Been three (3) years since my last post.

Somehow today my long abandoned blog came into mind and so here we go.

I lost my cool today. To my defense I wasn't exactly upset but rather trying to bring across my arguments quickly and assertively. But I guess it sounded harsh and defensive. I just can't get over the fact that I had represented myself that way.

Next time I should think ... what would Megat do ? (Megat was my partner at the audit firm I was previously working at and I was very impressed by his humility and ability articulate his points in a clear, concise way despite challenging parties he was facing)

***

I should really learn to keep my cool. Last week, I tendered my resignation over differences with my manager. It's just that all bottled up events got me all disappointed and I decided this wasn't the place for me. Partly its my ego and proudness thinking with my capabilities I should be able to find another job quite easily.

But wells, the big boss talked to me and I decided to retract.

Long since I've updated this blog. So why the sudden concupiscence ?

As childish as it may be, I find myself plotting in my head on how I could have retaliated against the nasty client today and put her to shame.

She went with: please check with your senior first, and I went 'I AM the senior'.

"You are the senior and you are asking me how to audit ?"

How she tried to undermine my role as a senior.

Gosh, the bank has such large operations, how do you expect me to know who is responsible for the area I'm examining when all I have is figures in the trial balance.

God damn it, just say that you are not the right person to talk to-lah !

Well, I did lose my patience and that was unprofessional of me. It's so difficult to be the 'bigger' person and take whatever shit that is thrown at you with a smile.

Luke 6:29 says "To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either"

Easier said than done.

***

How has life been to me ? Life has taken major transformation. Mum got hitched, I am getting the things I need and desire. While not owning a BMW, life is comfortable, I am happy. Just need to replenish the bank account. Saving is beyond my comprehension.

I guess that's all for now. Eyes are sealing shut.

Last Resort

I can't believe I had to resort to this.
Hiding in the toilet pretending to bathe. Driving home only to find he's there and turning around to park somewhere hidden until he left.

One step at a time ?

So she recently started dating Mr. B. Yes, I am happy she is no longer lonely and that she has finally found someone to love and care for her. But I am not ready to accept this person in my life.

It's 11.30 pm, I've just returned home and you want to come ambush me unprepared ? Can't you take it slow ? I can be open about lotsa things but these things ... come on, give me some time !

And why can't you take some time in getting to know him more before jumping into a marriage ? How long have you guys dated ? 1 month ? Of course he is nice now, since he wants to tackle you. Come on, 1 month and you are agreeing to his proposal ? I really don't know what to say. And what can I say anyway ? Well, I've speak my mind and if you are happy, so be it. But please do not ever ambush me like that. You'd just make me hate him. I'm sorry but I'm just extremely irritated now. Or sad ? I don't know.

That Age

I've reached that age that I begin to think about what I've acheived and what I want in life. There's so many things I wanna do and say, but because of restrictions, norms, fear ... I held them back.

But hell, we only live this once, I am only gonna be 25 once, it's now or never. After all, what's the worst that could come out of it ? I wouldn't die, the world wouldn't end. No harm done. Ok, perhaps some regrets, disappointment, heartache ... But that's better than having to wonder all your life 'what if'.

So, choose to go on a holiday alone if you feel like it. Resign, if you really hate your job. Take a 6 months break if you feel you need it.

Take a leap !

Note to self

It's not about dedication towards work, it's your attitude as an individual.

Intervention is in order !

Patience is a virtue

Pictures are not related, I was just reminiscing over the good times and thought I'd share them so this post wouldn't be too bland.

Chinese New Year has come and go. Can't believe it's already Saturday. I mean so quickly 4 days of holidays have come to pass. Another 2 days and it's back to work ! Ah ... dreadful !

I had just returned from a family dinner over at my mum's side. Truthfully, I had dreaded it. I wanted to leave as soon as possible. It's not like they are vicious people, it's just that we don't really know each other all that much. After all, we kinda don't know each party exists for at least 10 years.

Yee Joo has her 'lala' side too ! (look at her peace sign !)

You see, my mum and her sis had this enmity for years. Something happened and they wouldn't see or talk to each other for years. It was until my grandmother passed away that they reconciled. And it was then that I got to know I had these bunch of relatives. So yeah, being around them is kinda awkward. It's like you are with family but you still have to be at the edge of your seat, to be at your best behavior.

I think partly it's also cause I feel inferior to them. They are rather well-to-do with daughters who graduated overseas, wears skirts and make-ups, while we are made in Malaysia, tattoo-infested and slightly boyish ... you get the drift.

Anyhow, I tried making conversations and the evening actually turned out quite fine. My cousins are actually quite down-to-earth despite their upbringing. So yeah, I had fun talking to these new found relatives.

***

My sister had without my permission, passed my laptop to my cousin to copy her drama series. Not a biggie actually, just that it's my company's laptop ! I told myself I shall not scold her when I got home, but to no avail. Gosh do I have a bad temper. I want to be able to look past things and say:" it's ok, just make sure you ask me first next time, ok ?"

Ah ~ patience M00nie !!!