Reflections

Been three (3) years since my last post.

Somehow today my long abandoned blog came into mind and so here we go.

I lost my cool today. To my defense I wasn't exactly upset but rather trying to bring across my arguments quickly and assertively. But I guess it sounded harsh and defensive. I just can't get over the fact that I had represented myself that way.

Next time I should think ... what would Megat do ? (Megat was my partner at the audit firm I was previously working at and I was very impressed by his humility and ability articulate his points in a clear, concise way despite challenging parties he was facing)

***

I should really learn to keep my cool. Last week, I tendered my resignation over differences with my manager. It's just that all bottled up events got me all disappointed and I decided this wasn't the place for me. Partly its my ego and proudness thinking with my capabilities I should be able to find another job quite easily.

But wells, the big boss talked to me and I decided to retract.

Long since I've updated this blog. So why the sudden concupiscence ?

As childish as it may be, I find myself plotting in my head on how I could have retaliated against the nasty client today and put her to shame.

She went with: please check with your senior first, and I went 'I AM the senior'.

"You are the senior and you are asking me how to audit ?"

How she tried to undermine my role as a senior.

Gosh, the bank has such large operations, how do you expect me to know who is responsible for the area I'm examining when all I have is figures in the trial balance.

God damn it, just say that you are not the right person to talk to-lah !

Well, I did lose my patience and that was unprofessional of me. It's so difficult to be the 'bigger' person and take whatever shit that is thrown at you with a smile.

Luke 6:29 says "To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either"

Easier said than done.

***

How has life been to me ? Life has taken major transformation. Mum got hitched, I am getting the things I need and desire. While not owning a BMW, life is comfortable, I am happy. Just need to replenish the bank account. Saving is beyond my comprehension.

I guess that's all for now. Eyes are sealing shut.

Last Resort

I can't believe I had to resort to this.
Hiding in the toilet pretending to bathe. Driving home only to find he's there and turning around to park somewhere hidden until he left.

One step at a time ?

So she recently started dating Mr. B. Yes, I am happy she is no longer lonely and that she has finally found someone to love and care for her. But I am not ready to accept this person in my life.

It's 11.30 pm, I've just returned home and you want to come ambush me unprepared ? Can't you take it slow ? I can be open about lotsa things but these things ... come on, give me some time !

And why can't you take some time in getting to know him more before jumping into a marriage ? How long have you guys dated ? 1 month ? Of course he is nice now, since he wants to tackle you. Come on, 1 month and you are agreeing to his proposal ? I really don't know what to say. And what can I say anyway ? Well, I've speak my mind and if you are happy, so be it. But please do not ever ambush me like that. You'd just make me hate him. I'm sorry but I'm just extremely irritated now. Or sad ? I don't know.

That Age

I've reached that age that I begin to think about what I've acheived and what I want in life. There's so many things I wanna do and say, but because of restrictions, norms, fear ... I held them back.

But hell, we only live this once, I am only gonna be 25 once, it's now or never. After all, what's the worst that could come out of it ? I wouldn't die, the world wouldn't end. No harm done. Ok, perhaps some regrets, disappointment, heartache ... But that's better than having to wonder all your life 'what if'.

So, choose to go on a holiday alone if you feel like it. Resign, if you really hate your job. Take a 6 months break if you feel you need it.

Take a leap !

Note to self

It's not about dedication towards work, it's your attitude as an individual.

Intervention is in order !

Patience is a virtue

Pictures are not related, I was just reminiscing over the good times and thought I'd share them so this post wouldn't be too bland.

Chinese New Year has come and go. Can't believe it's already Saturday. I mean so quickly 4 days of holidays have come to pass. Another 2 days and it's back to work ! Ah ... dreadful !

I had just returned from a family dinner over at my mum's side. Truthfully, I had dreaded it. I wanted to leave as soon as possible. It's not like they are vicious people, it's just that we don't really know each other all that much. After all, we kinda don't know each party exists for at least 10 years.

Yee Joo has her 'lala' side too ! (look at her peace sign !)

You see, my mum and her sis had this enmity for years. Something happened and they wouldn't see or talk to each other for years. It was until my grandmother passed away that they reconciled. And it was then that I got to know I had these bunch of relatives. So yeah, being around them is kinda awkward. It's like you are with family but you still have to be at the edge of your seat, to be at your best behavior.

I think partly it's also cause I feel inferior to them. They are rather well-to-do with daughters who graduated overseas, wears skirts and make-ups, while we are made in Malaysia, tattoo-infested and slightly boyish ... you get the drift.

Anyhow, I tried making conversations and the evening actually turned out quite fine. My cousins are actually quite down-to-earth despite their upbringing. So yeah, I had fun talking to these new found relatives.

***

My sister had without my permission, passed my laptop to my cousin to copy her drama series. Not a biggie actually, just that it's my company's laptop ! I told myself I shall not scold her when I got home, but to no avail. Gosh do I have a bad temper. I want to be able to look past things and say:" it's ok, just make sure you ask me first next time, ok ?"

Ah ~ patience M00nie !!!

Carefree/ offensive ?

Stay carefree, but not many can take your snappish jokes. It may seem funny to you, yet offensive to others. New year resolution: Be less uptight, but remain discrete.

you have what we call ...

the severe Monday Blues syndrome !!!

Symptoms:
1. Begins feeling miserable around 8 pm, Sunday
2. Short-tempered
3. Sensitive
4. Lost of appetite / gluttonous (excessive consumption of food)

Remedy:
1. It's all about the mindset !
-Try to think about work differently. Gain sense of achievement by doing your work well/ effectively/ efficiently.

2. Music !
- These days I find Bruno Mars' Marry You especially uplifting.
- Hillsong does wonders too.

3. Friends !
- Don't have to have lots of them, one will do. Gives you something to look forward to.

surprisingly relaxed

In general, I consider myself an uptight person. A colleague once told me to ... 'Get a grip' ! I don't know whether he was just joking or really meant it. Anyhow, it was a valid comment.

I fuss about the tiniest thing you can think of. About dropping my brand-new phone, about constantly losing my stationeries, you get the drift.

When it comes to exams, I normally procrastinate at the beginning and then get really nervous a few days before the exam. This time around, I am surprisingly relaxed, even it's just 2 days from now. I study at my own pace, taking long breaks in between and turned my sleeping hours around. I am normally asleep 8am - 4pm and awake the rest of the time.

Let's keep our fingers crossed that I'd pass this paper at my 1st attempt. I've prayed long and hard for it. Though effort-wise, not really deserving of it.

Excuse to procrastinate

The title says it all.

Just watched Letters to Juliet. Wouldn't say it was a great watch but it's those love stories that leaves you ....

"Oh, how I wish I was her"

or ...

"Maybe it's time I muster the courage ?"

Jokes gone wrong

Most times I make jokes which are kinda insulting, but in a funny way. At least I try to. I think I might have gone overboard at times. But my intentions are never malicious. I just hope my friends and colleague sees this.

On another note, must.start.to.study.hard.from.tomorrow.onwards. Like seriously. Please let it not be too late !

Point for Reflection: Bitching

Today we had an nice session of bitching over a farewell dinner. Yes, it was all enjoyable and all, speaking your hearts out. Chances are, others might feel the same about you. And it would have sucked big time, if they had talked about you like how you had talked about them.

So m00nie, keep your opinions to yourself. And to acquaintances, make small talk, but keep your very true self at bay, just until you know them better.

Quoting from the Bible:
"Do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets" Luke 6:31.

Not Giving Up

During one of those all-nighters job, I asked my senior who is pregnant about how she met her husband. And I got an amazing love story.

Her husband started pursuing her since Form 1. At that time, my senior was not at all interested and made it very clear about how she felt. This went on till her university days. Through this all, her husband didn't give up. He continued pursuing her persistently and finally his efforts harvested.

It must have felt so great to be at the receiving end of such love. I think it's always best to have someone like you more than you do. You'd be so loved, so blessed.

***

On another note, I am so excited at the coming of a new member into the Lim Clan !!! My cowzen, Benjamin is expecting a son this Wednesday !!! I'm gonna be an auntie !!!

Of heartaches and jealousy

September, though being the month of my birth has been full of heartaches, jealousy, insecurity ... all the negativity ... you name it !

Geez ... get a grip man m00nie !

But well, can't complain about the the prezzies though ! Totally loving them.


Got this watch from my high school friends. Gosh I'm so touched by Naoki. One fine day he called me. 'I'm sorry lah, I can't get you the Ipod Dock, we can't afford it. Can we get you a watch instead ? What watch do you have now ?' I mean, I could feel like he is really trying hard to get me something I'd like. Actually, the thought of wanting to get me a present is already suffice.

The Bitch Clan got me this purse. Totally rocks hard !!!
My wallet has been broken for ages, but I've been dawdling on getting a new one !
I really like it !! Thanks guys !

***

I feel so naked in front of this friend of mine. It's like the motive behind my every actions whether intentional or not is known to her. It can be so scary at times. I guess in most ways she understands me well. Can't say that it's likewise though.

Ahh ... work again tomorrow ... Blues !!!
Hope an episode of Brothers and Sisters would get me going ...

Mid-life crisis

When I've finally begun to believe that things are going my way, I realized that it has been wishful thinking all along. The feeling is like your heart's crushed.

I think I'm having mid-life crisis. Yeah, that young in life. I've been doing things impulsively, sometimes my thoughts just wander off, even when I'm mingling with my friends. And you thought that no one would've notice, when in fact you are staring into space with that blank expression.

Some good news. Got notice that I will be promoted. Yay ! At least something's going well for me. Other than this, not so flattering. Can't stop thinking about how I suck, big time.

Time and time I tell myself to stay positive, don't think too much. But you know, sometimes when you have some time to sit and reflect, gosh there's so many things I wished I could have done differently, or not do it at all. And then I'd wish I could be better at so many things and realize that no matter how hard I try, I just suck.

***

Gasp

Each time a car of a similar type and color passes by, my heart skips a beat.

***

Work is so scary these days. Gotta watch each step of the way. Else, beware of the wrath of the client and the bosses !!! Yes, I must admit that some of their expectations are valid. But there is just not enough time. And the nastiness ? Some compassion maybe ?

***

I've been completely bizarre. Got myself inked twice in a little over a month. The 1st was completely spontaneous and I loved it.


The second was ... ok I am a little regretful. Let's just say that the variety of my working attires has shrunk to only long sleeve shirts.

Still getting used to seeing colors on my forearm.

Money

Isn't it an irony that money was first created to facilitate the exchange of goods and services ? Today, it is the source of many crimes, division in status, standard of living and becomes a sensitive matter even between families and friends. Sometimes it is capable of turning relationships sour. Hell, the creation of my profession is also because of this capitalist society.

... Just a little shout out of my sentiments.

***

Ah, this entire month is gonna be so hectic !!! I have classes on Mondays, Wednesdays & Thursdays nights and an entire Sundays of classes !!!

I'm glad that I have someone to go to classes with. Makes it less dreadful. At least there's something to look forward to.

***

By the way, just returned from my trip to Melbourne. The trip was awesome !!!

Really had fun exploring the city. And skiing too !!!

Had pleasure getting to know her family. Especially her extremely sweet and cheeky cousin, Marcus.

Love this picture. The radiance of happiness !!!

Well the trip had slightly fell short of my expectations though. Thought we would have time for more sights of Melbourne. And well, we had a little bit of a squabble at the end of the trip. For a completely minute issue !



Anyways, I am pleased that we managed to spend some time together away from work and studies !!!

In sum, a great trip nonetheless !

Mixed feeling

So my exam for this semester has finally ended. Yet my feelings are mixed. Yes I'm glad that it's over but I'm also feeling so lousy, because I have a strong feeling that I'm doomed !

I really really don't want to retake the same papers over again !

Ok, I didn't work all that hard. Even if I had, I feel like the papers are way beyond my capabilities. Because when answering the questions, it's like you know the answers yet you don't know. It's not like if you've read the text required that you'd know how to do it. The killer is it's application !

And I'm like a turtle when writing. I've been writing non-stop for 3 hours during the exam and yet I can't finish the questions.

The worse feeling of all is I feel like my competence is way behind my peers.

CaroLian

Get it ? BenGie = Ben + Angie, so CaroLian = Carol + Julian

Yesterday, they had officially tied the knot, by signature that is. Oh, how I wish that I was more involved. The truth is, I got wind about the signing ceremony about 1 or 2 days before through Facebook. And so I thought, since I wasn't invited, should not attempt to self-invite.

Do not be misled though, I'm not feeling bad/jealous that I was not invited. I think it was more of a immediate family, uncles & auntie, close-friends/cowzens kind of event. But looking at the pictures in Facebook, ah the joy there was ! Made me wish I had been a part.

Okie, a short one, back to the boring stories of Business Analysis.