Do you remember?

I remember crying profusely on the 4th day of Standard 1. Mum came to school with me for three days, and on the fourth day I was on my own. The moment I was sent onto the school bus, I felt like I wanted mommy so badly. Funny, the sight of mum used to make feel so comfortable. The fact that she was standing at the window of my classrooom made me feel secure and protected.

I remember being so attached to her. Every evening, I looked forward for her to come back home. At night, before we sleep, I would give her a body massage while we talked, and I loved talking to her then. She was my best friend then and I'd tell her all of my problems. When we finally decide to sleep, I'd always say 'Goodnight mommy'.

When I found out that women have menses, I thought that they'd have it everyday of their life. And I was so worried and sad for mom. Having to bleed everyday and feel the pain at the tummy. So, I did the stupid thing of preparing her undies with the sanitary pad, despite it was no longer needed.

But then I grew up. And I started arguing. (yes, I argued when I was younger too, but on different terms) I said hurtful things and I was not supportive enough. I get irritated easily, and I treat my friends better than I treat her. When she's the one person that will never abandon me, and would genuinely share my joy and sadness.

I keep saying that she's pessimistic, that she's not strong enough. But now I could finally feel how she felt, when the incident happened. How lost and betrayed she must have felt. Despite hating her life, her job, she hangs on so that she could provide for us.

Because of us, she has to resort to second best. The largest portion of her money earned is allocated to us, that she has to think twice when she wanted a new shirt or a new pants. When I, on the other hand gets to purchase the occasional 'nike' shoes.

I'm sorry for being such an unappreciative daughter. I'm glad that I came to my senses. I'll try my best to change.

Happy be'earlied' Mother's Day !