surprisingly relaxed

In general, I consider myself an uptight person. A colleague once told me to ... 'Get a grip' ! I don't know whether he was just joking or really meant it. Anyhow, it was a valid comment.

I fuss about the tiniest thing you can think of. About dropping my brand-new phone, about constantly losing my stationeries, you get the drift.

When it comes to exams, I normally procrastinate at the beginning and then get really nervous a few days before the exam. This time around, I am surprisingly relaxed, even it's just 2 days from now. I study at my own pace, taking long breaks in between and turned my sleeping hours around. I am normally asleep 8am - 4pm and awake the rest of the time.

Let's keep our fingers crossed that I'd pass this paper at my 1st attempt. I've prayed long and hard for it. Though effort-wise, not really deserving of it.

Excuse to procrastinate

The title says it all.

Just watched Letters to Juliet. Wouldn't say it was a great watch but it's those love stories that leaves you ....

"Oh, how I wish I was her"

or ...

"Maybe it's time I muster the courage ?"

Jokes gone wrong

Most times I make jokes which are kinda insulting, but in a funny way. At least I try to. I think I might have gone overboard at times. But my intentions are never malicious. I just hope my friends and colleague sees this.

On another note, must.start.to.study.hard.from.tomorrow.onwards. Like seriously. Please let it not be too late !

Point for Reflection: Bitching

Today we had an nice session of bitching over a farewell dinner. Yes, it was all enjoyable and all, speaking your hearts out. Chances are, others might feel the same about you. And it would have sucked big time, if they had talked about you like how you had talked about them.

So m00nie, keep your opinions to yourself. And to acquaintances, make small talk, but keep your very true self at bay, just until you know them better.

Quoting from the Bible:
"Do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets" Luke 6:31.

Not Giving Up

During one of those all-nighters job, I asked my senior who is pregnant about how she met her husband. And I got an amazing love story.

Her husband started pursuing her since Form 1. At that time, my senior was not at all interested and made it very clear about how she felt. This went on till her university days. Through this all, her husband didn't give up. He continued pursuing her persistently and finally his efforts harvested.

It must have felt so great to be at the receiving end of such love. I think it's always best to have someone like you more than you do. You'd be so loved, so blessed.

***

On another note, I am so excited at the coming of a new member into the Lim Clan !!! My cowzen, Benjamin is expecting a son this Wednesday !!! I'm gonna be an auntie !!!

Of heartaches and jealousy

September, though being the month of my birth has been full of heartaches, jealousy, insecurity ... all the negativity ... you name it !

Geez ... get a grip man m00nie !

But well, can't complain about the the prezzies though ! Totally loving them.


Got this watch from my high school friends. Gosh I'm so touched by Naoki. One fine day he called me. 'I'm sorry lah, I can't get you the Ipod Dock, we can't afford it. Can we get you a watch instead ? What watch do you have now ?' I mean, I could feel like he is really trying hard to get me something I'd like. Actually, the thought of wanting to get me a present is already suffice.

The Bitch Clan got me this purse. Totally rocks hard !!!
My wallet has been broken for ages, but I've been dawdling on getting a new one !
I really like it !! Thanks guys !

***

I feel so naked in front of this friend of mine. It's like the motive behind my every actions whether intentional or not is known to her. It can be so scary at times. I guess in most ways she understands me well. Can't say that it's likewise though.

Ahh ... work again tomorrow ... Blues !!!
Hope an episode of Brothers and Sisters would get me going ...

Mid-life crisis

When I've finally begun to believe that things are going my way, I realized that it has been wishful thinking all along. The feeling is like your heart's crushed.

I think I'm having mid-life crisis. Yeah, that young in life. I've been doing things impulsively, sometimes my thoughts just wander off, even when I'm mingling with my friends. And you thought that no one would've notice, when in fact you are staring into space with that blank expression.

Some good news. Got notice that I will be promoted. Yay ! At least something's going well for me. Other than this, not so flattering. Can't stop thinking about how I suck, big time.

Time and time I tell myself to stay positive, don't think too much. But you know, sometimes when you have some time to sit and reflect, gosh there's so many things I wished I could have done differently, or not do it at all. And then I'd wish I could be better at so many things and realize that no matter how hard I try, I just suck.

***

Gasp

Each time a car of a similar type and color passes by, my heart skips a beat.

***

Work is so scary these days. Gotta watch each step of the way. Else, beware of the wrath of the client and the bosses !!! Yes, I must admit that some of their expectations are valid. But there is just not enough time. And the nastiness ? Some compassion maybe ?

***

I've been completely bizarre. Got myself inked twice in a little over a month. The 1st was completely spontaneous and I loved it.


The second was ... ok I am a little regretful. Let's just say that the variety of my working attires has shrunk to only long sleeve shirts.

Still getting used to seeing colors on my forearm.

Money

Isn't it an irony that money was first created to facilitate the exchange of goods and services ? Today, it is the source of many crimes, division in status, standard of living and becomes a sensitive matter even between families and friends. Sometimes it is capable of turning relationships sour. Hell, the creation of my profession is also because of this capitalist society.

... Just a little shout out of my sentiments.

***

Ah, this entire month is gonna be so hectic !!! I have classes on Mondays, Wednesdays & Thursdays nights and an entire Sundays of classes !!!

I'm glad that I have someone to go to classes with. Makes it less dreadful. At least there's something to look forward to.

***

By the way, just returned from my trip to Melbourne. The trip was awesome !!!

Really had fun exploring the city. And skiing too !!!

Had pleasure getting to know her family. Especially her extremely sweet and cheeky cousin, Marcus.

Love this picture. The radiance of happiness !!!

Well the trip had slightly fell short of my expectations though. Thought we would have time for more sights of Melbourne. And well, we had a little bit of a squabble at the end of the trip. For a completely minute issue !



Anyways, I am pleased that we managed to spend some time together away from work and studies !!!

In sum, a great trip nonetheless !

Mixed feeling

So my exam for this semester has finally ended. Yet my feelings are mixed. Yes I'm glad that it's over but I'm also feeling so lousy, because I have a strong feeling that I'm doomed !

I really really don't want to retake the same papers over again !

Ok, I didn't work all that hard. Even if I had, I feel like the papers are way beyond my capabilities. Because when answering the questions, it's like you know the answers yet you don't know. It's not like if you've read the text required that you'd know how to do it. The killer is it's application !

And I'm like a turtle when writing. I've been writing non-stop for 3 hours during the exam and yet I can't finish the questions.

The worse feeling of all is I feel like my competence is way behind my peers.

CaroLian

Get it ? BenGie = Ben + Angie, so CaroLian = Carol + Julian

Yesterday, they had officially tied the knot, by signature that is. Oh, how I wish that I was more involved. The truth is, I got wind about the signing ceremony about 1 or 2 days before through Facebook. And so I thought, since I wasn't invited, should not attempt to self-invite.

Do not be misled though, I'm not feeling bad/jealous that I was not invited. I think it was more of a immediate family, uncles & auntie, close-friends/cowzens kind of event. But looking at the pictures in Facebook, ah the joy there was ! Made me wish I had been a part.

Okie, a short one, back to the boring stories of Business Analysis.

Old People

Everyone has a story to tell. I like listening to old people narrating about their younger days, their trials and tribulations. Kinda makes me feel like everyone has their share of hardship in life. It's like, I'm not alone. They can get through it, so can I !

Back to Square One

Can't believe the entire Saturday's gone already. Today, I think I'm falling back to my old melancholic ways again. Dunno le, suddenly I'm feeling kinda miserable. The thought of piling work, upcoming exams, my canceled Bangkok trip and growing old certainly does me no justice.

Cows on the road (Job @ Rawang)

But well, I guess the key to being happy is not about having a perfect, problem-less life but is to be able to move on from setbacks, flaws with a positive attitude. Oh, I'm being all philosophical here.

About my canceled trip, it's because of the political demonstrations in Thailand. How unlucky of me right ? Ah well, let's hope that we'd get refund for it or maybe peace would be restored right before our trip ? Doesn't hurt to have some wishful thinking !

***

These days I've been feeling incredibly old. I'm 24 already this year, though my birthday is still months away (oh did I mentioned that my birthday's gonna be a public holiday from now on ?), but it's like another year to go and I'm halfway through a decade to the big 3-0.



When I was younger, I used to feel that someone at the age of 24 is like really an adult already, a different level from being a young adult, that they'd have much more matured thinking and well just act like an adult lah. But I'm 24 now, and I still feel very much a teenager.

And responsibilities are creeping in closer, while all I wanna do is just to have fun. I long for my childhood years where I could speak my mind without serious consequences, where I'd have school holidays, where all I had to worry was about studying and passing my exams. I can now finally understand why the adults used to say that studying is much easier than actually working in the society.

***

Been really mean this week, pondering back: what if it was me ? How would I feel ?

New Resolution:

To hate in silence ! =p

So what

Some people are just plain snobs. Just because they live in PJ/Damansara, they think that they're more superior than others. Who says people in Cheras only speaks mandarin ? Obviously you're ignorant. And I don't think your English is any greater.

3 days to a week

That's how long the CNY holidays were. Funny it seemed much longer before it began, and now there's only one day left. I've accomplished most things I wanted to do during the holidays, except work. Didn't touch it at all.

Got good news over reunion dinner. Cousin's wife is 1 and a half month's pregnant. I'm gonna be Auntie Angela ! Imagine that huh.

These days I've been excited about organizing Yee Joo's wedding. I don't know why. And it's not even in the process yet.

Well I guess I do know why. I was inspired by this.

And this.

Pardon me MsRedd and Sonia (if you happen to be reading this) for the lack of permission.

I long for that feeling of seeing her walk down the aisle with tears trickling down my cheek.

***

Ok, back about CNY, today's karaoke totally rocked hard. And we certainly had fun during our Glee marathon. Even the aunties enjoyed it too. That's a first.

Kinda disappointed today though. Was supposed to hang out with the BC. But the plan got canceled. Anyways, hanging out at my cousin's now, and watching My Sister's Keeper for the second time, kinda feel like crying. It's so touching.

Well, till next time. Ciaoz !

Minute worries

Today I feel like ... a kid, particularly during my primary years, when I couldn't remember the multiplication table (the 11 & 12 multiples especially) and it was almost my turn to recite it to my teacher ...

I received an email today indicating that my leaves in June were disapproved due to incomplete submission. I already knew the reason why. You see, it's the policy of my firm that any application of leaves for more than 3 days would require 3 approvers: the verifier (admin personnel), the scheduling manager and the partner. And that is if you are not already booked for a job. If you are, add in another approver: the engagement manager.

As you can see, getting a week's of leave approved would take some time. So in order to escape the bureaucracy, I staggered my leave application. I applied for two days of leave in one day, waited for a few days or a week to pass and put in another application for another 2 days.

Well, my plot wasn't successful. (but it was last December, I got 2 weeks of leave) The manager discovered my plot and has requested to see me. Couldn't see her today as I wasn't at the office. So I instant-messaged her, but she wouldn't discuss the matter over the net and has insisted to see me.

So now my Chinese New Year is officially doomed. Can't stop the lingering thoughts of what she might have to say. And what if my leaves doesn't get approved ? I've already bought my tickets to Melbourne. And it's like something I'm really looking forward to. Arghhhh ...

Anyways, it's my entitlement what. Plus, I've bought the tickets and applied for the leaves 6 months before the date and even before I'm booked for any job. So should be ok lah ...

***

Worry No.2 : My ACCA ! Result's coming out end of this month. I really hope I wouldn't fail. Retaking the test would be painful and expensive !

***

I raised my voice on my colleague yesterday. He is just super irritating. Always act as if he's a know-it-all. And then he wants to review my work, when he's not even my senior ! We're of same rank but he joined much earlier. And bloody hell said that I did it wrongly when he was actually mistaken. It was such joy to correct and having him admit his mistake. Muahahaha.

Ok I must admit that he is much more experienced than I am but his attitude is totally unbearable. Even the client's irritated with him.

But aih, I should have been more patient. Now I have to worry about what my other colleagues would think of me.

I really need to shut up

I don't know why, but these days I'm extremely blunt. I really do speak my mind. Just when those words are blurted out of my mouth, I find myself shocked to have said that.

I really need to shut up. Oh please stop in time before thoughts turn into words !

On a lighter note, Chinese New Year's just around the corner. Haven't got any new clothes, guess I'd just have to put on something red.

Looking forward to Ang Paus.

This was what she had to say about me

There are many things that I disapprove of. One of those is my sister going off to study in Australia. It's just that my parents can't afford it and that it would place a great deal of a financial burden on them.

Anyhow, my Yesman father said yes. The plan was for her to do her final year over at Tasmania. But I have recently come to find out that she now has plans to go over earlier, that is to complete her final two years of degree in Aussieland.

I decided that I would not argue anymore. And so I kept mum about the issue.

Today Dad forwarded me a message that went like this:

'Hey Dad, what we talked about the other day concerning the early transfer thing can u not bring it up during reunion when sis is around. Keep it between us ya. Thanks.'

'Dad, ur going to subject me to HELLISH days at home if we bring it up in the present. She won't understand. Let me figure things out first. I thing it's best that only after everything's confirmed i.e. I can find the most viable option of paying everything then we'll discuss with her.'

I didn't know that I'm capable of subjecting people to hellish days.

Multitude

Alright short one so that I could start my day early tomorrow.

Work is piling up and there's nothing I can do about it ! Bloody client is understaffed and has no time to entertain me. And I need to finish everything before Chinese New Year, which is near to impossible as we too are understaffed and without someone experienced enough to lead us.

Aaaarghh ... That's how I feel.

Client's place is super far. I've gotta refill petrol every 3 days and that's RM 45 once.

***

Ok, enough ranting. Have you guys been listening to Redfm ? If you have, you'd be sure to have heard about the game 'Word up'. It has been on for the longest time ever and the cash reward had actually snowballed to an astounding RM 17 k.

All you have to do is guess who's the celebrity who said the word 'blog' in the audio played. Each day RM 100 would be added if no one got it right. So who was the mysterious celebrity ?




Ah ... 17k ... so much I could do with it ....


On another note, though I had to work today (on a public holiday !!!), I found myself smiling through the journey to work. Somehow, scenes of my karaoke session with the Bitches kept replaying in my head.

Sweet Dreams ... or Beautiful Nightmare ....

Afraid

I've come to realize that part of the reason that I have been procrastinating on completing my work and my homework is because I am afraid. Afraid that I'll be stuck, afraid that I'd actually not know how to complete them.

So, in order not to feel lousy, I procrastinate. Well of course, the other part of the reason is I'm lazy. I'd rather watch TV or hang out with my friends than doing my work.

On a lighter note, I think scents are returning to me subtly. Well sometimes it's there and sometimes it's not. I guess this still calls for celebration.

Some viewing pleasure.

Love the Christmas hat effect and the pink of our cheeks.

Yet Again

I used to think: if only I had worked harder.

I have always believed that my lack of success in academics is solely contributed by my laziness. But recently, I feel like I've proven myself wrong.

I have been working whole-heartedly and dare I say dedicatedly last week but I'm just so goddamned slow. I am starting to think that I lack that bit of intelligence. Now this certainly hurts my self-esteem. It's not that I've been living in my own world thinking I've got brains of Einstein, it's just that I have always regarded myself as being fast-paced, not the brainy type but too bad too.

But events have played recently in a way that makes me feel that I'm 30 seconds slower. In an array of things too, may I say.

Ah well, different people are meant for different things. I hope that in time, I'd discover my destiny and with time and effort, things would improve. I'd first need to learn to see the brighter side of things.

In the meantime, sleep is sorely needed.

The price of Aging

Mum got her medical report today. Turns out she has high blood pressure, diabetes and inflamed liver. Don't worry, the situation's under control. Seems like it's not serious, just that well, she has daily pills to take now.

It got me thinking. It's just that I've always taken my health for granted. I think when you are young, you'd feel like these illnesses are way beyond you, so eat whatever you wanna eat and do whatever you like. For me, it's been taking late night baths and sleeping with wet hair.

Recently, I've come to the conclusion that I've got a weak immune system. Often, when I do get fevers, which comes along with coughs and flu, the cough would last for weeks. Just like now, I've been sick since I returned from Singapore. And that was 2 weeks ago.

So, here comes my first new year resolution: to be more health conscious ! Wait, it's 11 pm already ? And I've not bathe yet. Last time, I promise !!!